You thought you had him locked down, his attention was on you, a stream of continuous communication and then, gone. The texts subside, you’re greeted with ‘k’, or ‘yip, if I have time’. You’re losing him or he’s gone. So what went wrong? Perhaps it is simply down to he's just not that into you, you were too heavy too quick, another female has caught his attention, he was simply looking for some fun, or a parting of ways as he has discovered you are not that compatible. Our first instinct is to head to our closest girlfriend, never be the one to bombard him with messages about why. You explain the situation to your girl, how he has become distant and cold. You will most likely be greeted with an “aww babe he’s an idiot, just a player” but is he…. Perhaps the fault lays within something you have done or a mismatch of principals and similarities. Sometimes.
Either way, we look to find the fault somewhere, whether it is within ourselves or directed solely at Mr Distant himself. Over the past years, I have found it astounding how quick some are to skip the , hanging out, truly getting to know someone stage. Is he right for you?-not am I right for him? The hanging by your phone waiting for some mode of communication , changing plans so they fit around time scheduled with your new beau. All sounding a little familiar, either personally or within your friendship group? Don’t undervalue independence and confidence, It is very attractive. Remain enough out of reach to keep the significant other wanting more.
So what do you do then- Too much of a cold shoulder or constant ‘maybe another time’ can be a fast track to him walking if this is what you want. The right amount of interest yet independence is the balance we all need. Do not discuss previous partners, Tinder experiences, your hope for marriage and kids in the next year (unless asked) . Simple – keep it light and fun, enjoy this period, it's the best part. Finding out each other quirks late night dinners and early morning messages. Don't over complicate it by trying to lock down a man before you've even been on date number two. Discard the checklist that is mentally being assessed while he sits in front of you. Relax. Bury the five-year plan and be present in the now. In the past year, my perspective on dating has really changed. Find a man that will look at you like everything else is a blur, because fifty years down the track when all looks have faded, only his eyes, heart and personality will not age. Those same eyes that set your heart alight from day one.
- Alysha Brown, Guest Blogger